Hilarious and outrageous, this essential book provides a helping hand for men who haven't gone blind already!
Excerpts
Introduction...
Girlfriend just left you? Can’t [be bothered to] get a girlfriend? Or maybe you’ve just got a few minutes to spare: time on your hands, so to speak? Whatever the situation, men - this book is for you.
Men want sex; women want romance, attention, children, money, someone to stand around while they try on clothes they don’t like, arguments and a great divorce settlement. An oversimplification? Perhaps. Sure, men want other stuff too - heck, we’ve all got a sensitive side. But what if sex with yourself could be just as much fun as sex with another person or people? You could have great sex whenever you wanted, as often as you wanted, and without having to sit up and beg for it. Interested? Then read on . . .
from A Brief History of Tossing...
Any history of men pleasing themselves has to pay homage, of course, to the great Victorian inventor, cheesemaker and master masturbator, John Thomas Entwhistle, who devoted his life to developing the ultimate tossing machine.
Entwhistle’s Self-Manipulating Frottalogicon, as he called it, was an ingenious creation that, through a well-oiled system of gears, fan-belts and rubber wheels, converted the brisk turning of a simple hand crank into a violent pistoning effect of over one hundred pumps per second. By manipulating a series of foot pedals, the intrepid operator increased or decreased frottalogic intensity and barometric pressure, while saucy picture postcards were displayed in sequence through a viewing tube.
After Entwhistle’s untimely and excessively violent death ‘at the wheel’, Henry Ford succeeded in developing a mobile version of the Frottalogicon that has kept wankers on the road ever since.
Table of Contents
Introduction 5
A Brief History of Tossing 7
Foreplay 24
Getting Stuck In 37
On the Job 57
The Sport of Kings 79
Time on Your Hands 95
Advanced Techniques - Fists of Fury 110
Over-coming Obstacles 119
